Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I allow my life to be swept into a torrent. I allow myself to not work like I should.
I say everything will work out as it must. I say the future does not worry me and my accomplishments shall come.
I allow people in my life who only deter my path. I allow everyone in no matter what. Whether they care for me or not. Whether or not they ever had any intention to.
In short, I allow idle words and their own philosophies to override my own.
But I know myself. Many trials have come to me thus far. I have been tested and tried and not found wanting. I have walked away from those people time and time again and counted myself better in the long run.
Whether it is selfish to give up on the human spirit of man or not is beyond me. I think I shall never truly give up on the human spirit. However, the simple truth is, "you can't make someone care." You can't shout from a roof top that they should and suddenly they do. You can't take a person and expect her to care when there is no interest for you at all. You certainly can't.
I am certainly done. Not with all of humanity, but with those I allow a place in my life.
Darkness encroached into my heart. It overtook my senses with an exhiliration. My legs tensed stronger and my breathing became deeper and more fullfilled.
At every turn, I could hear my friend Josiah's footsteps on the path behind. One leg would be fully tensed while another would reach far in front for another placement. I ran faster.
I found myself. I found my inner strength. I found a deep core among the torrent. I fueled it and left everything in the distance.
Lastnight - done.
I do not know what the future holds for me. I am a man of goals, but no longer a man of fear. I have let it override my better judgement time and time again.
I have lost happy moments and cheery advances. I have dwelt where I should have laughed. I have sat idle where I should have left. I have been the victim of a great fear. A big man named fear makes people buy in or sell out and develop a comfortable level so they might never face the unknown - the adventure. Adventure is my greatest friend. I enoy her company.
Words sit on this page. My life awaits me. I must go.