Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Clouds and haze.
Everything I want must be earned. I will never get a break and it will make me strong. I realize that nothing is free in this life. I will strive on.
I have overcome so much so far. It has brought me down time and time again, but not this time. I will not buckle. I will not cry. I will smile.
At one point, I wanted my life to be so complicated. I wanted independence and hardships. I wanted to overcome some great obstacle. I begged for it. I wanted something to make me stronger. And now here I am, agonizing over my every word.
Clouds and haze block my path. They create another world for me. One filled with mystery and hardships at every point. I am really alone in my struggle. For even those helping me along couldn't lift this burden. I could have made a mistake on my way, but instead it is just what society says I should be that hurts me so much. They see no mistakes, yet I see so many.
Today, I am overcome by the grief of an unexpected surprise. One that was never supposed to come. It will make this year very hard on me. I really do believe I shall be alone through my undergrad now. It will make me strong and I will be able to look upon the smaller things with great emphasis and delight. My life will be fuller in the long run.
My soul will convey a great symphony into the world. It will not stop at a single beat.