Sunday, February 05, 2006

A smooth sunday afternoon

Even in bitter winter, I still sometimes lose myself in warmth.

Today is a beautiful day. The teal sky and white puffy clouds illuminate the barren trees swinging in the soft wind. The warming sun contrasts the cold, radiating my heart, strengthening the very rhythm of the day.

I woke up today reading of Ireland, of an immigrant's life and his return to the place of his ancestors. His father, a drunkard, has left his family in such a mess. I only wonder what will happen in the future. Even though I never grew up in the household, it reminds me of the ways my biological mom and my brother and sister had to endure at the hands of my irresponsible father who only made life worse. The book hits me hard, but does not dampen my spirit. It only reminds me of all the ways I have been made better.

Yesterday, I climbed. I really wish I was climbing right now, but too much has to be done. I need straight A's. Everything rides on it.

The ice-cold rock made my hands numb while I climbed, but my feet were very sticky and secure. My heart stayed steady as I moved up the rock. Everything felt secure. I lost touch with the world and only knew the rock. I didn't fear anything. I didn't look for the fall nor did I think I would.

It has been a long time since I haven't feared the fall. It felt great, and I know it comes as my life is finding more and more stability. I have begun to see my path and succeed in my studies. I have seen professors impressed in my abilities. It gives me confidence in myself.

Yet all is not great and could be better. So I will strive forward while remembering I am only one man. A man who can only go as far as his feet will carry him. Then I will flip over on my stomach and crawl using my arms. Haha.

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Ambitiously enduring.