I use my right hand to assist in the jump towards the three-finger hold.
This route scares me no more.
I have my three fingers of my left hand smashed into this hold while my body dangles. My muscles contract, my body follows upward. Now I have a foot on the rock. I can steady myself, go up for a tiny flake in the rock with my left hand. I make the clip and move upward.
At the second clip something happens. My hand is slimy. I can't hold on to make the next clip. As I look downward, I know my ankle will not like the consequence of a fall this high up. But the move is still awkward, and my right hand will not leave the rock. As sweat leaks from my already soggy hand, I begin to accept I could fall. The people below me have started to wonder why I haven't made the clip. I keep my composure because what other choice is there, but they start to panic and yell out "foot" every five seconds. After some time, I give up hope of holding on with my right arm and use my forearm for stability while I reach down with my left to pick up a quickdraw from my harness. As the clip falls in, I know they didn't see it coming. I know they saw my fall. But I shrug it off and take a break. My energy is zapped, but this route will not have me today.
I finished the route without incident. I felt very tired and drained, but I finished.
I ended with a long easy route with a bit of a runout to calm my mind.
I decided that day to run a half marathon by the end of the summer. My training will start today. I need endurance. Both mental and physical.
As I grow stronger, I tend to develop a sense of comfort. I need to switch everything up and get to the next level. I will begin taking many falls (these not quite so dangerous) as I move up to harder and harder routes.
I know my weaknesses. I understand my weaknesses. Now I must break them before I finish school. There is no room for weakness in life, at least not with what I want to accomplish.