Friday, May 12, 2006

End of finals

Now I am done, and the better feelings of a better world rejoice as my true self returns. I know this summer will test every little fiber in me. I desperately want to go to Colorado and have been given the chance and a rather large sum of money to quit Touch of Nature and go walkabout for the summer.

However my resume consumes me. Bettering myself consumes me.

Enlightenment is a must.

My romantic spirit swims to the surface waters of my soul. It badly needs to break through. I would rather it consume me like old times. I'd rather feel lost in the midst of a great passion.

I asked my mom for a passport for my birthday. She never understands what this is that consumes me in a desperate pursuit to make my life beautiful, standing out against the mundane the way a Matisse would stand out against a Rockwell, faint and beautiful, never ordinary.

The wet cool summer air hit me yesterday while working outside, and I was swept up with nostalgic notions of high school. I never would have seen myself here, ever. I can't tell if that makes me happy or not though. I pictured myself somewhere North in the midst of intellectuals and enlightening dialect.

So here I am ... sick from finals desperation, nostalgic, filled with lost passion and tired as my muscles fill with those hardwork acids.

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Ambitiously enduring.