Wednesday, September 13, 2006

the rush

Will I ever feel the break?! Will I ever feel as if my crashing wave has come to a standstill?!

"Carve me from stone, right from the bone." - Trapt.

I want a pressure and a thrill in life, but I want to know I can handle it. I want a sense of self that I have only felt when challenged. I want a sense of exactness in my fortitude. I want to know the world isn't such a wicked place.

I feel it deep down. I sense it.

Right now, I am hardened. I am fortified against failure. It is a fortification far from success. I need to not hold back this year. I need to let it all go and see where the chips fall. The pressure is great. The sense of immediate failure is even more constant.

So now I finally go for it. I go out on a limb. I head up to the next placement in the rock face. I take the lead in my own life. I know if I doubt myself, I will fall. The consequences will be horrible. I will be scarred. However if I keep faith in myself... If I think about my moves, my technique, my personal strength and how I have it deep down within myself, I will succeed.

My failures are now my successes. My fears are now my fire. The chances I've taken in the past are now my knowledge of the cruelties and blessings in the world.

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Ambitiously enduring.