I am feeling more and more situated in Portland. I have now seen more of the outside, been climbing in a newly developed area and started working a job that seems to suit me. However, there are still some difficulties. My whole attitude shifted last night as I overdrew my account. Feeling like a failure, I re-examined a million little things about my life right now.
I am not doing enough. I will wait out the training for this job (for that is the promise I made when hired,) but I could be doing more. I could be investing my time into some bigger cause or a more fulfilling job. Part time at a rock gym is not going to cut it for my ambitions.
Someday I think my ambitions will swallow me whole.
Until that day, all I can do is acquiesce to the inner desire to be something more.