I had my reasons for coming back to central Illinois.
I must walk away from the Midwest, not run.
Part of this place adds to me ... It is the place I learned how to ride a horse, the meaning of hard work and the importance of family.
Boredom-fueled imaginations delivered some truly crazy times.
However, I also felt an insatiable burning to get away. Colorado, my refuge, was the place where my mind grew and formed. It is there I gained an understanding of life, morality, hope and open-minded thinking. Colorado introduced me to climbing and a fulfilling life.
I have been too excited to leave for far too long. I must face this and must leave with a smooth step so I never have to return.
It is this I came back to face. I have to face my fears and my demons. I must do it constructively, or part of me will always be trapped in this place.
I am young. My patience waivers. It must grow. I will never endure otherwise. My thoughts must move inward, on bettering myself not only by actions, but by thought, papers, reading and philosophy. I must meet this challenge with deliberate action.
Long days wait for me, but I have many goals. I am building something here, and my job goals are noble. I am to connect a small liberal arts college with the surrounding communities, help develop programs and build a framework from which others may work in the future.
It is the good fight. It is a reason to stay until July, to face the demons I must face.
I stopped writing in this journal long ago. I hope to bring it back.