Tuesday, April 07, 2009
A slow consistent force slithered around my legs, up my torso and soon held me at my shoulders. I was too blind to see it and too numb to feel it. But it had me. It tensed, and I succumbed.
It came at my ankles as an injury forced me into sloth. It slithered around my legs as my vast attempts at friendship here were foiled. It gripped my chest as her friendship fled voiding our relationship. It tensed as I saw reality while in the serpent's grip.
I have conquered this beast as an oak awakens from a lazy winter, sleepy and slow but with the steady hope of a guaranteed summer. Push-ups have given me strength. Climbing has renewed my character. Books have helped to sharpen what has come a docile mind. My heart lay in tatters, a soft spongy mess strewn about the dirty floor.
I will leave Jacksonville in May and will arrive in Chicago. I have no delusions about Chicago or plans. I don't even have a place to stay. But that is the path I have chosen as I try this renaissance of my old self. These words are some of the first that have rung truly from me. With these words, I redefine my character, my self will ... my self discipline.