My body smells of suntan lotion and sweat - a sweet and salty coconut blend. It stirs memories of beaches, deep water soloing and sweet chills of cool water on hot days.
Today, I walked in the desert alone and barefoot. I walked tracing misshapen footsteps all the while. The sand rose between my toes with every footstep. I walked tracing thoughts. I traced thoughts of grandeur, thoughts of my ruin, thoughts of laughter and the ill-fated thoughts of where I might be come tomorrow. For this morning, I awoke to ill tidings.
It's hard to be my carefree, funny self of the past when my survival seems to hang in the balance. I want this time in of my life to be over. I want to be able to take a breath and know I will be somewhere for a while. I feel as if I really have nothing in which to take pride. I have left it all by the wayside to pursue this grand scheme. A scheme that may result in my undoing.
-I wish you were braver. I wouldn't have let you down. I hope you're happy.