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Monday, May 10, 2010

Entitlement (have I any?)

I awake in the morning with hope and as it slowly drags on I begin to think that this will be yet another day wasted. My bank account clean, I survive on the kindness of strangers. I exist in this sad existence over a background check. Why? Have I committed serious crimes? -No. Have I committed crimes that brink on being serious enough to warrant a background check taking five weeks? -No.

Have I committed any crimes at all? 

NO!

Yet here I sit, on the brink of destitution, after I unwittingly believed in something and traveled halfway across the United States yet again. Our government is inefficient. Our government is a waste. And yet I did not choose the private sector this go around. I turned down Korea. I turned down another management position. For what?! A dream of working to conserve our natural resources or make some lasting impact that will be the betterment of humankind?! Damn, I am a fool. A gam of bureaucrats swim in these seas. And I, subjecting myself yet again, have become a victim of apathetic hands.

How much longer before my hands grow apathetic, a symptom of despair.

1 comment:

E said...

Brian, I think you are making the right choice, and you're not alone. As a graduate student who turned down 5 well-paying jobs to community organize around social issues, I've definitely been there (or here I should say). These periods built strength and character. I got used to being privileged and thought I could carry that over into activism. Chicago has a way of proving even the most-educated wrong. I won't say "cheer up, everything will be alright". I think, "persevere", is more befitting, so do so :)

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Ambitiously enduring.