Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Western Wind

It is the possibility that brought me back. The jutting slab of the granite holds the aesthetic sense of my mind. The open sky pours sunshine from a thousand feet closer. The intensity burns my head. Later at night, the cold rushes in and spreads against the land. It would be warm in summer. It is chilly with frost. I walk down small streets and catch eyes gleaming up into mine. Yet this time I do not return the gaze.

I have changed since my last visit. I am more optimistic and sadly more realistic. I wish to shuck off the outer protective skin that keeps me distant from so many. Yet, I know it is this skin that is not easily removed for just anybody. It is this skin that will keep me safe until I can have my next adventure, until I can help out that next person, until I can find the great depths of my soul sustained. This trip has confirmed yet again that I do not belong in the Midwest. I am holding my breath there, afraid to breathe, terrified to speak, to cheer, to risk ... fearful of life.

I dreamt last night of a certain possibility. Only here would I have the bravado to think I could attain this. That is why I must keep striving and escape the confines of the Midwest. It is only outside of that place that I can imagine and see myself for who I am

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Ambitiously enduring.