Saturday, December 24, 2011

Don't be such a downer

The cold, metallic taste, rises from the back of my throat. Three pills down, five more to go, and the nausea will build until again I am awake at 2am, sweating, needing to vomit, yet staying the desire to fulfill this primitive urge. I would rather just disappear into obscurity until the task is complete. I would rather not joke or share stories, or be around anyone.

Deep breath. I can't be such a downer. Deep breath, and I try to focus on one thing that will make me happier. Something not ephemeral. Something small and constant, begrudgingly good.

Sigh. Let's do this again with a smile. It's the wrong time to be dragging other people down.

Happy Holidays.

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Ambitiously enduring.