Thursday, April 26, 2012

Last days in Illinois

The last days in southern Illinois sift through the hour glass. I watch, a bit in a daze, as days dematerialize, break apart and sift down the glass. These last days leave me feeling dysfunctional. My pace drags. Yet I yearn to go faster, to explode with more passion. The result: I go at a medium speed.

The rigamarole of editing and doing small jobs at my assistantship is tempered by leading young kids across beautiful lakes, teaching them about nocturnal animals and the Clean Water Act, campfire stories, climbing, random road trips with Stephanie and the growing sense of the unknown. 

I awoke and stared at pictures of Colorado this morning. I miss the place so much. It really has become so much of me. I keep telling myself that Idaho will be good, that it house mountains, that it has rivers, dry climate, and adventure. YET! How much my mood would change if I were heading back to those majestic peaks and social climate that I find so welcoming. I owe so much to Colorado. Its aesthetic and friendly qualities will always have a special place in my heart.

Today, my fingers already move with lethargy across the keyboard. Eyes drag across these words. I did not feel like writing this morning. But it had to be done. And here it is. I want this semester to be over, and I want to be moving on with my life. I have learned a lot during my graduate degree, but it feels as if I have accomplished very little. It is very frustrating.

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Ambitiously enduring.