Friday, July 20, 2012

Late Night Ramblings

Two weeks here, and I make friends slowly. It is a cross from being too picky, having such good ones so far, and the lack of opportunities outside bars and climbing.

I understand that my world and its comforts sit on the backs of any offspring I may have. The climate is changing. The world crowds itself out of resources, and some are taking more than their fare share, manipulating banking rates while the rest of us suffer, exploiting resources subsidized by the average guy. My inability to do anything about any of this troubles me more than anything. I need to be productive, but how?! I often think that I used to be full of such energy and now ... I feel a little lost here yet.

The smooth, rippling fields rise up and down like waves of a sheet thrown across the bed. Some rise more than others, but no part of the ground is exactly flat. It's beautiful. Yet, this place is unlike any I have experienced so far. Currently, it holds the sense of longing I feel for Stephanie, the burning desire that this time things could work out, the fear and anxiety I have about law school, whether it will suit me, challenge me, not change me, but enhance me. So many horror stories of this experience, so many good experiences.

I have to keep telling myself that I am a good guy. That I cannot fear the outcome, but must relish the experience. For this day becomes what I make it. It is the freshest breath I will ever get. It is the longing that will burn and churn a productive soul. A soul locked within my own feelings and anxieties about all the possibilities I may face.

Sometimes, a hug is all a guy needs.

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Ambitiously enduring.