Sunday, February 18, 2007

my eyelids grow heavy.

for me, there is still so much to do with today. yet the day is done.

i heard somewhere the weather will be nice tomorrow. maybe fate will also smile on me.

I sometimes wonder why my cat stays so close to me while I am around. I wonder if he enjoys my company or maybe feels safer around me. I remember carrying him outside while he was still a kitten. It was night, and the UPS trucks was just leaving. He scrambled to run, but as I held him, he struggled tightly against my shoulder. It felt good to play the role of protector.

So as i sit here with heavy eyelids, I begin to imagine tomorrow. I imagine the depressing news that seems inevitable. I imagine my advisor's excuses while she tells the reasons for not calling me. And then I think of how much I have been through till this point. I wonder how much more I will endure before I leave this school. I wonder if fate will ever let me return home. I wonder if I shall ever again be in the West without returning here to stay, permanently imprisoned.

If I have a hope, I shall be fine.

it is only when that hope fades
when the nights come and as my eyelids grow heavy
i sit trying to convince myself someone knows
the pulsating rhythm of my soul
some predestined force presides
and if faith has carried me
thus it will
until a warm summer springs
and i find myself gone.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


I would love to talk about the sad realities of life in this post, but I fear all we ever have is hope for the future.

I think it would be a great thing to feel hope right now.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day

Oh what a day it is!

I woke up this morning happy to be alive, and now I wonder if this is all to simple? In time, I may come to be more stable and move back into the passionate lifestyle I once knew, but for now I have grown cynical and believe I am only leaving my current world behind.

I want to minimize damage.


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Ambitiously enduring.