Monday, March 05, 2007

afraid to breathe

The nerves twitch in my shoulders as I await my fate. I really believe I'm not doing enough. I have to believe in myself. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of discomfort and anxiousness.

I sit here now as my resume reaches its third set of eyes. I am 1-for-2. What will the verdict be? Will I be turned down cheerfully?

I always think back to my high school days. I squandered my talent early on and believed it would not matter which undergraduate school I attended. However, my biggest fears were, and still are, not feeling challenged enough. I believe this boredom led my heart down a very unhealthy path. My inactive mind lost, and still loses, ability.

It needs some kind of challenge.

I do not fear a midlife crisis. Every other day is a new way to criticize myself. Every new day is time for a new crisis and change in my life. I just want to live a healthy productive life. I wish for it every day. Boredom is my enemy.


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Ambitiously enduring.