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Monday, January 05, 2009

Back from two weeks in WA

I remember being here in central Illinois for three months during college.

I would open my eyes in the morning. Lay there, eyes open, wonder what I was doing to myself ...
why would I put myself through this ...
was it worth it ...
had I failed ...
am I a failure ...
had I let my father down ...
why did I leave Florida ...

Sixty degree days gradual warming to seventy-five degree days.

I often found myself in the park, running. I ran nearly 10 miles a day then. I would run and run until I could barely walk, my legs were JELLO. I escaped into an idea of love, and felt dejected as she called to tell me of all the other men. She would tell me of how evil I was. Even if my legs were JELLO, I would soon find myself running again.

Somewhere in the back of my mind ... I have made this my experience of Illinois.

YET!

Why do we have new emotions, new thoughts, new brain cells (not one cell in my body is the same) if we must dwell and make the past our present. I am not nearly the same man. I have had so many crazy times since then!

I must finish this position into July, and I must make something out of it even if it means revamping my thought process, pretending I am in a tropical paradise or some golden future awaits me at the end.

I must cultivate my garden.

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Ambitiously enduring.