Sunday, October 25, 2009

Turbulent days

One cannot base his future on luck.

I have been a bit complacent as of late. Dragging my feet if you will. Yet I know my pace. I want it back!

I have to be systematic and deliberate in my actions. I, however, feel the pace returning. I am running longer, devoid of caffeine. And I find myself generally a bit goofier than I have been in a very long time.

It is as if I am saying hello to an old friend whom I have missed - my true self.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I exist.

"I don't care to succeed if I cannot be myself! How dare I shackle myself to my own ambitions, and care so much of how others look at me!" I shouted.

Tonight, I'm tired. I spent some time talking to this girl on the phone last night. We used to really care about each other. Yet now it is just one of those things. One of those situations where no one is sure where he/she stands. One day, she has the lowest opinion of me, not sorry for anything that happened. At these times, she lets me know how low I am. And at others, she tells me how important I am to her, how cherished of a friend I am, how she needs to talk to me. It's all very confusing.

Yet it doesn't matter. I'm caught in the act of just existing. Life is just a reason to feel, to breathe, to be. I'm tired of wishing it could have all been different.

I just want to live.


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Ambitiously enduring.