Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Wisdom and Courage

Deep, green, iridescent swirls spiral downward and across in a slow moving spring somewhere. The stones that sleep at the side of this pool, lay covered with the inscriptions of ten thousand years. Humble is the one who stands at the side of this well. His feet press against the stone where he too must make his inscription. His mind traces the unforgiving eddies. Is his heart calm? Or does it leap at each beat, artfully chasing the rhythm of his desires? Only his heart can tell him what inscription to make. Once an inscription is made, he knows the only thing to do is jump. It is the unknown that scares him the most.

Somewhere is my spring and my inscription. I pray for the wisdom to make my inscription. I pray for the courage to jump.

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Scene Aesthetic

How great the aesthetics of this world do affect me. The white, puffy clouds, grow and flow outward against the crystal blue sky. Relaxation shimmers in a silent, meandering spring. Inspiration to aspiration flows down across me with the wind as it rips down silent, granite peaks in an intrinsic, inescapable melody. I am connected to these beautiful instances. 

I look into my mind accepting and expecting nothing less than this dynamism. Yet, from time to time, I find myself  not following this happier path. I find myself falling and then waking in the stream of discontent. The aesthetics of my social world greatly affect me. The people I allow into my life either help me balance and succeed, or they - with their self-destructive forces - twist my optimism enough to pull me from my path.

Carbondale is a dangerous place. Sometimes, it feels as if I am on a river, paddling against the current. Behind me, there is a giant waterfall, and I have seen not only the water's edge, but the mist wafting from the canyon floor. This past winter, I became so depressed as I struggled to find someone to trust. I thought countless times of how it could fall apart, of how I again may slip into poverty. (Even if I intentionally slipped last time, I feel as if I came too close to not being able to support myself. I lost a lot of confidence in the process.)

 I have some great friends here. Yet I am also introduced to those who will only tear me from a better aesthetic. I want to see the best in everyone, but I must keep guard. It is beyond me how so many get swept into so much self destruction when there is, truly is, so much beauty in this world.


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Ambitiously enduring.