The realities of the heart transform into the realities of the body if you are as I am, a very passionate soul. During the past several months, my heart has felt the void and my body has crumbled. Only while reading the words of Wallace Stegner as an old man have I realized the truth of these words.
"It is remarkable how apt bacteria and other agents of the moral sense can be, how readily they infect and afflict us when we need affliction."
What a wake up call it has been, an even slower path to recovery. I have been carrying a great weight of sadness, and my legs finally buckled. I am relieved I made it through my first year of law school. My uncle attributes this to my strength to keep going. I attribute it to my folly and a near miss of disastrous proportions. But I am often too hard on myself.
I sit here now in the late morning breeze, speckled shade while birds sing and voices faintly call in the distance as they navigate the green of the golf course. I have come to live with two people whom I respect and feel great for their company, much like their son who first became my friend.
As I start to lift my heart, my body slowly starts to recover. Climbing sits only moments away and long bike rides seem easier and easier.
Now is not the time for many choices. I think my recovery is still key. However, soon I will have to shape the next few years and that time is growing near. So much sits on the horizon and like any other time in my life, decisions stand near.