Friday, August 10, 2012

Courage in Death's Embrace

I wish I could tell you one could appreciate this life truly without suffering, but I fear it is not so. For the breath of air devoid of the sickness one has been suffering or the light shining on your mind absent of the fear of death, spirals us into the heavens. For some of us will face these dangers, never to return. Yet, what separates these and others is the willingness to pour out our souls and try, again and again.

I feel as if  I have been caught up, trying for comfort instead of life. Yet, my trajectory stayed the same, and this has scared me the most. My mind became a paradox of wants and past wants, of an intrinsic power realized and an intrinsic power wished. Now, sickness grips me. It shakes me, keeps me awake with nausea and sometimes vomiting. It shoots pains and makes eating difficult. Never have I been so fearful of food.

And I find in this sickness with fear abounding, the courage to peer through the shroud of fear, and I can see this life as I see it when I am on a huge climb, peering down at my own death, wondering if this will be the time that I succumb to the deep, long sleep. I am far away from everyone I know, everyone I love and cherish.  Yet, now I am close because if I can survive these next few moments and spiral out into the light again, to breath the air devoid of the sickness, I shall be closer to myself, my true power, my true confidence and passion.

Life is precious. To waste it fearing the step forward is to wait for a volley of regrets while in Death's clutch.


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Ambitiously enduring.