How will I measure my life?

Today, a young tax attorney told me to read the book, "How You Will Measure Your Life" by Clayton Christensen. It comes hard on this day of all days. It is not only Valentines Day, but it is a day filled with memories of planning for birthdays, of trips, of romantic encounters, and small adventures. I wonder if he knows how much I relish the idea of family, the idea of building something else in this life, how much I adored the ones who came close to me, how much I regret an existence away from my closest friends.

Though, not all is depressing ... 

Recently, I have felt the heat of battle. My cases involve consumer and housing issues. I help people battle a system that treats people as chattel. It does not appreciate their full, living, breathing, loving human selves. My opponents talk as if they are cogs in a machine not able to do what they feel is just. Imagine an 80-year-old getting evicted because of a "problem with a toilet" or  a blind man who is told he has two days to find another home.

The law protects these individuals. However, it is only as good as their access to it. No judge stands up for these people. Most people do not even see the insides of our courthouses. They are tricked into taking default judgements, told they have no recourse and no justice is found in those halls. Now, our Congress is trying to dry up funding for my organization and many like it across the country. The only reason I could think of is to fully exploit the poorest in our population. It's a real travesty. Blah.

Sometimes, I must go back and read these posts. I must see how I was feeling at the time to truly reflect on my present. The beauty in writing is that one can capture those emotions while in the thick of it.


As of now, I am an attorney fighting for the public interest. I do civil work on behalf of low income people. My bills seem to be falling in to order, and I get outside enough to satiate my more wild side (at least for now). I have blisters on my heels from miles and miles of classic cross country skiing in MT. I never imagined it would be such a physical workout, but my adventure partner is nothing more than a machine.

I go head to head with attorneys, and I hold my own. Nearly all the cases I have taken have had favorable outcomes, which has surprised me.

Still, it's not very ideal. I am alone constantly and when I make plans people cancel at the last second. I am surrounded by Trump supporters and people who think money should rule the world. I take trips and visit great people, and they make me wish I was building this life elsewhere, which gets me into a pretty big funk.

I have time. I must return to writing for catharsis' sake.