Sunday, April 29, 2007
I went out in the sun today and wrote in my newly bought journal. The warm sun on my skin felt comforting. I thought a lot and got so many of my feelings out on paper. My last journal never felt like it was mine. Bought by someone else, it did not ever feel as if it was me. Yeah, weird huh? But this new journal feels like me. - I can express myself again.
Here I sit. Ready to study. Ready to commit to that single purpose, to turn off my phone and to head into the digital world of online journals and books I've recently read on the subjects, only talking to sources I need for my paper.
Once I get done, I will think of other things.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I hate how people have to die. I hate it more that it happens every day. I wish I was around in that atmosphere. I wish I would have known Cho. I wish I could have befriended him and just told him to relax. I wish I could have gotten him a date with a random, weird girl. Life can be a pretty tragic thing, especially when you feel isolated from everyone.
I wish I could have given him some hope.
157 people died in Baghdad today.
I imagine many there have lost hope. I have no clue what they are going through. I could not even imagine such a destructive atmosphere. I would gladly give my life to end their suffering. My life will be devoted towards spreading hope.
I know exactly what it means to be saddened because I can only give one life to a cause. If I had a thousand lives, I would die a thousand horrible deaths if it meant some would not have to suffer.
I have a job interview on Friday. I pray I can start fighting the good fight with my entire soul. My degree is soon done. My life will be extreme. This is a war.
This is a war for hope.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Something better does exist. Something fantastic! Something wonderful! I will tell everyone to wonder about life. No path is a dead end. Every path is another way to live a full, meaningful life.
If I were a bum, I would smile at the chance to know what is like not to have. It would make me appreciate everything.
If I were a millionaire, I'd be happy to have the ability to help others with my income. I'd also see the world and invest in a lifelong education.
If no love every lasts, I will be lucky to have loved and not backed down. It was well worth it.
The naysayers are bunk!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
In the second two miles, I had an epiphany.
Fear has nothing to do with any of this. Why should I fear something that feels so true?
To distrust this, I first must distrust myself.
It is not a step for which I am not ready.
I love her.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Maybe I will enjoy the journey beyond,
To give my life a dark path
And travel with heart and spirit
Translucence fading not
Into a world, ever-changing
Not mellow nor imbalanced
This is what I wish for my life.
The day I knelt down, willfully gave my hand
My heart leaped out knees buckling
under a liberated, fiery soul
Inner dreams splashed rich colors
Against a twirling, whirling mind
a deep breath kept me going.
Monday, April 02, 2007
to discovering myself more and more confident, stumbling upon a story for the ages, creating vast lines of poetry without delusion, loving myself more and more and stepping precariously
on the skirts of a cliff line where no imaginable bottom may be.
With a solid heart, I surge forward not accepting the limitations society places on me. I will never succumb. I will forever hold my head high.
And even if I should take that fall, which I am sure is a possibility, I will forever live in weightlessness as I plunge deeper into my own abyss.