Friday, March 31, 2006

so much to do

The weather, warm.
The trees, green.

Give me time to breathe

I want to enjoy this.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Letting go of the reins.

Let it go.

SIU police sometimes lie or exaggerate, whichever you prefer. And sometimes that lands you and your buddies in a world of trouble. They say you were on the roof. You were never even on the stairs. You never saw anyone on the roof or even breach the roof, and you were watching. They say, they told you it would be given to Judicial Affairs. Then why did you not hear it? Why did everything come as such a shock?

Let it go.

I sit here missing the West, missing my phone and missing any sense of real freedom I may have once felt. I always feel shackled in Illinois. I am being punished for my shortcomings. For good behavior, I get good friends and good grades. It lessens the load. I also have climbing. However, soon the shackles might grip even harder as Judicial Affairs starts handing out the punishments. Somewhere deep down, I hope for a fine or maybe nothing if justice would prevail. While at other times, I hope the lies on the police report do not end in expulsion. Where would I go? How could I pay off all those bills without a good job? How would I get into the Peace Corps, law school, the rest of my life.

Let it go.

Because that is what I need to do. "Let it go." I need to have faith that this is my path, and I could never be happier with any other. Wherever life takes me, I shall embrace it. The dead ends will make me stronger. The pain will make me tougher. My failures shall only be covered when I mask them with success.

And to think before all of this, I was just worried about getting a decent girlfriend. haha.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Gut Instincts

Dear Friends,

I cannot recall the vast impropriety in which you have labeled me. I think some know me while others have no clue. But who cares! I know myself. But please do not judge me so quickly. The wall that I hide behind towers above most noble qualities found deep within my soul.

So who am I? Judge for yourself. Do it with an open mind. Do it with a free spirit. Please, open your heart for me and strive to see the same great spirit I see in all of you.


Red Rocks. Let me just say, "Wow." The beauty of the windy solitude, the crimson layers of hardened desert sandstone, the green cacti thriving in the harsh, unforgiving wasteland. T'was what Christ saw when he left society to feel closer to God.

I feel as if life is unyielding in giving me what I really need, what I truly want. However, I have hardened. My skin is thick like that of a Sequoia. No fire can burn me. No hope lost may extinguish my productivity. Hope is found within my heart. My need for love is gone. It is a dream, kept at times while at others ...


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

why I am alone

In the rain, I notice no one beside me. When I go home, no one waits. When I call, no one expects my call.

It does not bother me, then it does. I am independent, but I am not. I immerse myself in economics, philosophy, literature, physics and climbing. I think of nothing else.

And then it rains ...

And the warm rain reminds me of a kiss so deeply felt, so deeply given that I wish to give it again. It reminds me of my heart and soul, my muse - love. How much deeper I think when it is all true.

Yet love cannot be for sometime. In the absence of truth, I am destroyed. My schoolwork fails. I am left with nothing. Then I only have doubt. Without faith, I'm nothing.

So for the sake of all, I am alone, searching out for a little bit of truth.

Monday, March 06, 2006

No lies.

Connect. Let go of the world.
All is well.
Night est noir. N'echappez pas.

Deliverance comes at one's own hands.
One's soul is one. L'esprit respire desdans la coeur.


About Me

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Ambitiously enduring.