A crimson piece of metallic wire twists and stretches in my hand. The bright and dark reflections of light shimmer from its smooth edges. They dance in my mind. I have guilty thoughts on this day.
I know what I must do. Yet, it is in these lulls of activity, my mind fires faster with longing. It re-creates feelings and memories. It lets go of past pain. It lets go of any obstacles I may have encountered. Instead, it focuses on the sweetness of it all. Bittersweet nostalgia.
I would rather not live my life like this ... always somewhere else. So I try to live here. In the time I've been here, I've gained three friends, lost one. I haven't been so secluded since my adolescent days. At least then, I had family.
This week, I try my hands at getting into the M.E.S. program at Evergreen State in Olympia, Wash. My admittance or denial will not afford me any luxury more than hope or despair.
If I had taken the West for granted, I hope I never will again.