Going deeper into the abyss that is my debt, deeper into the rabbit hole of education, I find myself reliving moment by moment each time I sat on a rock wondering where I should take my life. If I had known what I know now, would I have pursued this direction, or another?
Today, I read the story of Richard Fee - a young, ambitious man who during a span of years surrounding college and afterward became addicted to Adderall, gradually lost grip with reality, became depressed, and eventually after crashing from a withdrawal, killed himself. The story speaks to correcting the negligent conduct of doctors and other health care officials. However, what does the story say about our society as a whole?
Mr. Fee was a young man, stricken with ambition, perceived by others to be bright and articulate. He was a young man who graduated with honors from college. He was a man with a single dream. He wanted to become a doctor. How ironic that man aspiring to a career of curing and helping people with illness should destroy himself in the process! What does the story of Mr. Fee really say? Maybe it says that a segment of society, maybe even myself, believe so much in what others perceive of them that the only way to attain any worth is to achieve the upper echelons of their respective field.
Caught up in this, how much can one/should one sacrifice?
Still the grandeur of working on water issues holds me. Am I as delusional as another who destroys himself in a desperate attempt for a better perceived reality? Or am one who will succeed, one who does have a true path?
To give up would be cowardly, but to go forward blindly would be idiotic. Maybe the trick to all this is held in the words of Kenny Rogers. You have to "know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em, And know when to run." For now, I go on, with the belief that I am one of the lucky ones with a path.