Saturday, December 19, 2009

I am I

Sometimes I wish I didn't have so much emotion ... such ferocity! In our culture, it is good to have complete control of one's emotions. Yet, my emotions are too much!

So you call me weak?!

That I am not.

My emotions are unbridled. They are the heart of my intelligence, my love, my anger ... my physical and emotional body. My heart after all the pain is but a ragged dagger. It has tasted the beautify of life and has seen its fragility. I ask you, if you love life why not embrace it? What do we have to lose, but life? If we do not risk a little now, it will be a slow drag to death's embrace.

No! That is no life for me.

I would like to glide into into death's embrace.

I need hard work. I need to ask for as much out of this existence as I can. Fear has no place in my heart. It hinders me. It hinders my true nature.

Tonight, I read a book that tells of why it is good to produce. While I do not believe it should come at any cost, I do feel the need to produce something tangible and needed. I also feel the need to pursue my own self interest. Tonight, I make a pact with myself. One I will not break, not for anything ...

In February, I shall leave the Midwest. It offers me nothing. It is not my home. It only brings me boredom. I will not come back. These emotions within me are strong. I won't give up on them. Existence is too short. This life will not come without planning and hard work.

"You must earn it. True greatness comes not by favoritism, but by fitness. And the right hand and the left are not mine to give, they belong to those who are prepared." - One who saw truth.

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Ambitiously enduring.