Monday, December 28, 2009

Sunlight and Fresh Air

The sun breaks through the window. It does not shine on me but just to my right. It makes an ordinary chair in an otherwise ordinary kitchen shine with a luster of a beautiful, lazy day. Outside, an inch of snow sits on the ground. It gives the sun's rays a bit more brightness.

Steady ... steady ... I must hold this course steady no matter the outcome. Though it may finally be destructive. I cannot escape my heart and spirit.

A young woman called me a few nights ago. In more or less words, she asked me to stay away from the Pacific Northwest. It was pretty ugly. 2:00am. I was happy when I picked up the phone and bewildered the next. Earlier she said she had another with whom she was sleeping ... said she loved me and this other was just something physical. I wanted to rationalize it, to believe in it. In any case I could not. Maybe that's why it failed ... for all of her shallow words, she knew the truth. Her mind imprisons her as much as anyone else in this world. Even my mind imprisons me with my thoughts, standards, dreams and fears.

As soon as I find a sublessor, I will be back steady on my course. I have no time to be a prisoner of my own mind.

Let truth and reality reign.

Today I live in sunshine and fresh air.

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Ambitiously enduring.