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Sunday, September 11, 2005

How oblivious I have been.

How oblivious I have been.

I walked into Carbondale. I decided then it would be good. I decided no matter what my world would change and I must embrace everything beautiful about my new place. I looked for beauty everywhere and searched for it within every single person.

How oblivious I have been.

I found myself a long time ago. Since then I have been lost. I have thrown myself into too much. I have given my friendship to too many people. Here, in Carbondale, I do have true friends, yet they are few and far and with their own agendas. So, I thought, I am a good guy. I shall find a nice girl in Carbondale. Maybe Fate would deliver me.

How oblivious I have been.

So why do I search eyes now? Why do I find it interesting to search for the very best in a girl and hope maybe there is more? Why would I think so highly of even the girls who really don't care? Why would I have not noticed until now how pointless it all has been?

How oblivious I have been.

So there was a switch in myself. I found myself at a table drinking sweet wine and conversing with two lovely girls and a new friend. We laughed and told each other such things only brought about by fresh air, beautiful countryside and red wine. What an amazing time! But I left that day knowing and simply knowing it was all in vain. Everyday is just a day here for me. My future must wait in the distance.

How oblivious I have been.

I must be single for myself right now. I must look away and focus for now. I must await what I know is true and respect it as I do all the other qualities in my life. I have faith and a true belief. If I keep going at this pace of hope in Carbondale, I will surely be bled dry. So for now I am an island. For now, I am and will be...

happily alone.

and

Awake.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi there! Nice post. I appreciate the time you took to post about timely topics. How long have you been blogging? Glad I found your site.

I blog about something totally unrelated, but it puts bread on the table. personal development and tips on how to make that work. Some feel my approach is radical, but it works.

My site www.davejackson.com. Thanks for the nice site here!

Dave Jackson, Naples, FL

nairb said...

Thanks for your interest in my blog. I have been blogging only since this summer. I just post about things that affect me, but I have an idea they relate more widely to a great deal of people, as all things do in life. What do you mean by "puts bread on the table?"

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Ambitiously enduring.