How oblivious I have been.

How oblivious I have been.

I walked into Carbondale. I decided then it would be good. I decided no matter what my world would change and I must embrace everything beautiful about my new place. I looked for beauty everywhere and searched for it within every single person.

How oblivious I have been.

I found myself a long time ago. Since then I have been lost. I have thrown myself into too much. I have given my friendship to too many people. Here, in Carbondale, I do have true friends, yet they are few and far and with their own agendas. So, I thought, I am a good guy. I shall find a nice girl in Carbondale. Maybe Fate would deliver me.

How oblivious I have been.

So why do I search eyes now? Why do I find it interesting to search for the very best in a girl and hope maybe there is more? Why would I think so highly of even the girls who really don't care? Why would I have not noticed until now how pointless it all has been?

How oblivious I have been.

So there was a switch in myself. I found myself at a table drinking sweet wine and conversing with two lovely girls and a new friend. We laughed and told each other such things only brought about by fresh air, beautiful countryside and red wine. What an amazing time! But I left that day knowing and simply knowing it was all in vain. Everyday is just a day here for me. My future must wait in the distance.

How oblivious I have been.

I must be single for myself right now. I must look away and focus for now. I must await what I know is true and respect it as I do all the other qualities in my life. I have faith and a true belief. If I keep going at this pace of hope in Carbondale, I will surely be bled dry. So for now I am an island. For now, I am and will be...

happily alone.

and

Awake.